


Another Time Around

by BadRomantic



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Add tags as fic progresses, Five (II) keeps walking into walls ):, Five describes how he dies, Five died instead of Ben in this timeline, Five's not dead though so LETS GO, Over Protective Hargreeves Family, Unreliable Narrator, Vanya is a good sister, nongraphic depictions of gore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-03-08 01:59:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18885808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadRomantic/pseuds/BadRomantic
Summary: Number Five, after saving his family and finally growing up with them the way he should have, is now thirty-eight years old. He and his siblings are living the best life imaginable.So when he accidentally jumps into an alternative timeline wherehedied instead of Ben... he's reasonably a little ticked off.- - - - - -“Anybody else see little Five, or is that just me?” Klaus asked, for some reason cheerful, “I’m just asking because you all are coincidentally staring in one spot, where our little Five is, so-”“We see him.” Ben said.“Him,”Five gritted, “is going to kick your ass if you don’t stop talking about him like he isn’t here."





	1. I

Honestly, there’s no story here. Five brought them all back from the apocalypse, regrew up with his siblings, and stopped the ending of the world.

Hell, everybody’s living the best version of their life right now; Klaus has a fiancé (a college professor, no less!), Diego and Eudora are married with two kids (evil rascals), Luther finally got to become a certified astronaut, Ben teaches kindergarten, Allison’s marriage is saved, and Vanya is the lead chair for her band. Five visits everybody at least once a month, if not more, whenever he can spare the time.

He’s got a job as a professional bounty hunter, working with Diego and Eudora’s precinct to bring in the worse of the worse. He’s pretty damn good at his job, too.

It’s sort of nice being thirty eight again. Without the burning buildings and ashes, Five could actually function like a normal person in society. Which is why he rarely uses his powers anymore. Of course, he uses them when hunting bounties, but he’s grown comfortable not using them every day.

But when he does use them, they’re still as smooth as ever. So he cannot, for the life of him, figure out why the one time he used it at home it ended with him stumbling over his shoes and clambering on the grass of the courtyard in their father’s old estate.

 _Strange,_ Five thought, _Klaus remodeled this place for that Drug-Reforming thing he wanted to do._

“Oh, hey, weird… He’s gone.” _Klaus?_

“Who’s gone?” _Ben!_

Five groaned while he moved his knee off of a sharp rock he landed on.

“What the fuck was that?” Diego’s loud voice made him start. Shouldn’t his brother be in a different city right now? He and Eudora were on a vacation with their children.

He looked up, blinking owlishly when he watched his siblings pour out of the house.

“Shit, you’re all here?” Five asked, wincing at the way his voice sounded. Why does he sound like a teenager? He tried to clear his throat clean of whatever was making him sound like he swallowed helium, “It’s nine, Ben, shouldn’t you be at work?”

They stared, for some reason hesitant to talk to him. Okay, he’ll admit, he didn’t bother brushing his hair today, but that’s no reason to give him the silent treatment. He hurried to stand up since none of his siblings were going to help him up.

When Five stood up, he realized a few things. One, his clothes were definitely a few sizes too big. Two, his hair was longer and fell in front of his eyes. Three, he was definitely shorter than his family and that was _not_ how he remembered things being. Hell, it was almost like he was back to being…

Five glanced down at himself, then snapped his eyes up and exclaimed, “Fuck! _Again?_ Are you kidding me?” No wonder his siblings were staring at him like he just kicked their puppy! “What happened? Did I go missing for a few days?”

Nobody answered him.

“Weeks?” Five pressed, “Guys, start talking or I’m going to-”

“Anybody else see little Five, or is that just me?” Klaus asked, for some reason cheerful, “I’m just asking because you all are coincidentally staring in one spot, where our little Five is, so-”

“We see him.” Ben said.

 _“Him,”_ Five gritted, “is going to kick your ass if you don’t stop talking about _him_ like he isn’t here. What is it? A year? How long was I gone?”

“A year?” Allison echoed, looking incredulous.

“It’s been longer than a fucking year, obviously.” Diego stare was turning into something both furious and flabbergasted.

Five practiced what his therapist told him and took a deep breath through his nose and out his mouth. One… two… three…

“Wait,” Klaus’s eyes widened, “You… you can see him? You all can?”

Four… five… six…

“Someone touch him, see if this is real.” Luther suggested.

Seven… eight… nine…

Diego had the audacity to storm up and make a reach for him. Five’s frustration won his therapist’s ten-year-long work and he clamped his hand so hard around his brother’s wrist that it made him yelp and jerk back in surprise.

“Diego,” Five bit out, “if you touch me... I’m going to break your ring finger.”

“You’re here.” Diego whispered, ignoring his very serious threat and reaching a hand out to push back the hair in his eyes, “Holy shit… y… _Five.”_ And like that, he was being hugged.

Five exclaimed his disdain, but as usual Diego ignored his cursing. In fact, he squeezed him in harder and nearly pushed the air out of his lungs.

“Okay!” Five squirmed, “Let me go! I’m going to die!”

His useless siblings did not listen to his cries and instead crowded around him. Dotting on him in the most unseemly manner. Klaus, thank fuck, didn’t seem too interested in touching him.

Finally. A real team player.

“Get away from me!” Five yelled, “I can’t breathe with all of you tainting the air.”

“How?” Allison asked, “How did you… _how?”_

“I just jumped.” He explained, blinking away from everybody and landing beside Klaus, “I don’t know how I got like this though. I was at home and…” Five pulled at his flimsy tie, “This sucks. I can’t believe it happened again.”

“What are you talking about?” Luther stared at him, “Again? Five, do you know what happened?”

“Yeah, he does,” Klaus spoke for him, which was completely unnecessary, “It’s all he could talk about for a few months. Right Five?”

He stared at his brother, trying to guess whatever he was insinuating. “The apocalypse?”

“The what?” Ben squeaked.

“No,” Klaus frowned, “The… the _incident.”_

Five’s tried very hard in his life not to make Klaus feel like he’s an idiot, but he could not hold back the scathing look he gave him. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“How you _died,_ Five.” Klaus looked a little desperate now, “Remember? Like, how much you cursed at me when you showed up?”

Five took the time to adjust to what was said to him. How he _died._ He died? When? He was just at home, and he’s taken care of all the hitmen who were after him a week prior. None of this made sense. Absolutely none of it. It made him furious.

His control over the situation suddenly felt nonexistent. What _happened_ to him? Did he fuck up the timeline again?

“Let’s go inside,” Allison suggested, “We’ll talk in there, okay? C’mon.”

Five’s jaw clenched and he slapped away Diego’s hand when he made a reach to touch him. It felt like the first time he came back from the apocalypse, and a bit of him felt like maybe The Commission was to blame, but he knew that was unreasonable. When he turned 23, he went back in time and destroyed the place for good. There was nobody left, so who could have done this?

 _Me, clearly,_ He scolded himself.

“Where’s Vanya?” He asked, looking at Klaus, “Why is she not here, but you all are?”

“Oh.” Klaus blinked, “Right, I guess you missed all that drama. She _was_ here, but Luther and Diego scared her away.”

“Of course.” Five mumbled.

He really needs a cup of coffee.


	2. II

Five was led into the living room. The first thing he noticed was that it was still furnished, unlike how Klaus had it before while he made renovations. A bit of him loathed that it all looked the same because it felt like a sanctimonious spit to the face. Klaus worked _hard_ to make this place better than what their childhood was. He made it a place of comfort, a place where people got past their addictions.

It also pissed him off that his painting was still on the wall.

“Why the _fuck_ is that still up?” Five demanded, glaring at the painting, “It looks nothing like me. It _still_ looks nothing like me, and we’re in a different timeline.”

“We got it after you died.” Ben said unhelpfully, looking baffled as he said it.

He aimed his glare at his brother, “Well I’m not dead, am I?”

“That’s what I don’t get…” Luther drew the attention back to him, commanding it with the same loathsome arrogance he displayed years ago, before they time traveled back to when they were thirteen. Five did not miss this Luther. “... How are you alive?”

“It’s simple, isn’t it?” He said, forcing patience, “I jumped and somehow delved into an alternate timeline. Hopefully this one has less of an apocalypse and more of a happy-ending scenario like my timeline does, or else you all are completely and utterly fucked. Which isn’t my problem, because my family back in _my timeline_ are safe.”

“That… literally made no sense.” Diego leaned against a chair, “Five, you gotta talk english.”

“It’d make sense if you were smarter.” Five bit out, a horrible sense of deja vu clawing at him. He directed his attention to Klaus, “You could see my apparition. What did I do in the moments leading up to when I fell in the courtyard?”

“Gosh,” Klaus laid belly-first down on the couch, “whining about something Luther said, I think. Honestly, I rarely make sense of what you say.”

Five clenched his fists, “You’re high again.”

His brother flashed a cheeky smile, “High off that love, babe.”

Great. All of Klaus’s hard work has yet to see the light of day in this reality. Which means he’s useless.

“What’s your predicament with Patrick?” Five asked Allison, eyeing her while she gapped her mouth like a fish. He tsked.

“What about Eudora?”

Diego made an offended expression and glanced away.

Five looked at Ben, “What do you do?”

Ben blinked, then shifted on his heels, “Um, I’m a teacher for kindergarten.”

Five perked, “Oh. Well, at least that hasn’t changed.”

“What does any of that have to do with anything?” Luther prompted.

“Because-!” Five took another deep breath and counted to six, “Because I need to see how badly you all are still fucked up to get a gauge on what to do. Now that I know, I need you all to pretend like I’m not here.”

“Yessir!” Klaus gave him a two-finger salute, “Whatever you say, your honour.”

Five stared at him.

Klaus rolled off the couch and sat up, “Really? Not a single devilish smile? You love that skit.”

“You’re not making sense and, while I usually would ignore you in favour of getting shit together,” Five took a deep breath in, “I’m going to say this once and say it clearly. I am _not_ your Five, I am a different Five. I suggest staying out of my way and you have a likely chance of not getting a bullet stuck in your body.”

He didn’t wait to see how his siblings reacted to that. If their Five was as competent as he was, they would be used to it and take his warning to heart. He went straight for his room, because there had to have been some form of evidence there that he could use to get back home.

It may be a little selfish, but he doesn’t want to stay here any longer than necessary. He wants to get home to his real family before this one starts to get clingy around him.

Gosh, is this what Ben had to deal with when he came back? He made a mental note to apologize about it later.

 

. . .

 

“That was freaking crazy.” Allison said. Diego couldn’t help but agree with her.

“Is Five normally like that?” He asked Klaus.

Their brother shook his head, “No, he’s a lot more… childish, I guess? Mischievous. This Five is kinda like a Mormon with a pistol.”

 _“None of us can understand you.”_ Luther said to him, putting emphasis on each word.

Diego crossed his arms and stared off to where Five left, wondering to himself if he should follow after him. On one hand, what if this Five really wasn’t their own? Would he want to get attached to him? On the other… where was their Five?

“Klaus, can you see our Five?”

Klaus shrugged, “He disappeared the moment that Five came.”

 _Then this_ has _to be our Five!_ Diego decided. Yes, it has to be. Their Five must have came back, somehow, and the trauma of coming back from the dead made him confused. While Allison and Luther spoke about a plan to deal with their brother and their father’s funeral, he followed where Five went.

He’s going to see his brother for the first time in fifteen years.

 

. . .

 

“Shit…” Five grumbled to himself when he finished tearing apart his old bedroom. It looks as though nobody has touched it for years; his old Pre-Calc books were still there, from back when he didn’t understand time travel mathematics.

“Nothing. Not a thing here that’s helpful.” He sat down on his bed and fiddled with his favourite old chalk stick. In his timeline, it was thrown out years ago. Seems like everybody left his chalk alone in this one, which was nice, because he missed how it felt between his fingers.

It’s very surreal to be here. To be _young_ again.

“I’m going to go through puberty four times.” Five groaned to himself, laying back on his bed and let his legs dangle off the side. “There’s absolutely no reason for karma to be after me this hard.”

“I dunno,” Diego’s said from his doorway, “you were pretty ruthless as a kid. Tricked Klaus into breaking dad’s favourite antique vase.”

Five turned his head to gain accuracy and threw his chalk stick at him. Diego seemed unfazed when it bounced off his shoulder.

“Get out.” He glared, “I can already feel the cretin in you trying to infect me.”

“Do you even know what cretin means?” Diego asked, walking into his room despite his threat and sitting beside him. Five stayed lying on his back.

“I know what everything means.” Five rolled his eyes, “I’ve had two lifetimes to do whatever I want. And now, it seems, I’m having three.”

“Don’t you want to hang out with everybody?” Diego suggested, “Maybe help Luther through his daddy problems while he finishes trying to prove Dad was murdered?”

“Dad wasn’t murdered.” Five opened his mouth to keep talking, but paused. No, he had to keep that information to himself. Seems as though he came into this timeline when their father had freshly died… which means horrible things. _Bad things._

This means that the apocalypse might actually happen here.

“Fuck.” Five sat up, his eyes wide now. He needed to find Harold Jenkins and kill him before he met Vanya. That’s clearly how he can end the apocalypse.

This also means The Commission is still here.

He growled to himself, standing up now and moving in front of Diego. “What trade do I have to do for you to let me borrow one of your knives?”

His brother crossed his arms and made that classic _I’m judging you because I don’t understand what the fuck you’re trying to say_ face Five fondly despises. He snapped his fingers in front of his brother’s face, “Diego, pay attention, this is serious.”

“Spend time with us.” He said finally, “I’ll give you one of my knives if you spend the day with us, okay?”

“Okay.” Five held out his hand, “Give me your knife now.”

“Nope.” Diego swatted his hand away, “I’ll give it to you tonight, okay? Just be with us now.”

Great. He’s a target (again) with an unsatisfied mission and now he’s being held hostage because his family hasn’t had enough dead-brotherly time. He swallowed his growl and let his hand drop to his side.

“Fine.” He bit out, blinking downstairs and sitting beside Klaus.

Klaus blinked at him, then leaned back and smiled, “Come to join the land of the living?”

“For now.” Five said flatly, “I wish God would let me die like a normal person. Maybe a heart attack, maybe a classic wooden-stake to the heart.”

He’s used to joking with Klaus like this. Since Klaus came back from Vietnam, their humour mingled together nicely. So when Klaus looked at him in alarm, it bemused him.

“I think you died like a hero.” Klaus said.

Five stared at him, then rolled his eyes. “Sure.”

“Seriously, you did! Do you remember how you died?”

“Klaus, let’s not talk about that.” Allison said from afar, walking into the living room briskly with Luther on her heels. “Let’s try and be happy.”

Five laughed dryly and stood up, “Are we going to throw his ashes out or not?”

“Yeah.” Luther nodded, “Allison called back Vanya. We’ll do it when she’s here.”

“Oh, goody.” Klaus hummed, “Normie’s on the way.”

“Shut up.” Five snapped at Klaus, “She’s not a _normie.”_

Klaus shifted, staring at him and made a gesture with his arms, as if confused about why Five got mad at him.

 _Right,_ He told himself, _they’re all still drinking the kool aid Reginald’s given them._

“I’m getting a drink.” He said, blinking to their dad’s bar just a few feet away and began to fix himself a martini. He heard Allison exclaim, then Klaus’s delighted laugh, and Diego’s “What’s happening down here?”

“You can’t drink!” Allison said.

“Number Three,” Five said without looking away from his work, “If you attempt to stop me, you’re going to have to make a new appointment with your nail stylist because I’m going to rip them all off.”

“I love our new Mormon brother,” Klaus said giddily, “Fix me one too!”

* * *

Five’s been dead for fifteen years. Like, flat out dead. His only source of entertainment was Klaus whenever he snorted something wrong, or when Klaus would get a surge of emotion and he’d feel a slight buzz.

He’s been used to being dead. He wouldn’t take back what he did, not even for a few seconds. Being dead just reminded him that he saved his family.

So why is he in a house he’s never seen before and _where_ is Klaus? He was at their dad’s house just a few seconds ago!

“Wow.” Five mumbled, looking at the walls of the house. He appears to be in a kitchen. He doesn’t recognize this kitchen, but he’s in it. He moved to walk through the wall, just to see what was beyond it and see if Klaus was anywhere nearby. Usually when he does something like this he-

“Ow!” Five exclaimed, holding his nose while blood leaked past his fingers. He took a few rapid steps away from the wall, staring in alarm. He hit the wall. He didn’t phase through. Five lowered his hands and let the blood flow down his face. It would have normally disgusted him, but the feeling of it was unreal. He hasn’t felt himself bleed since he died.

He’s breathing. He’s _bleeding._ He’s not dead. But… where was his family?

He called out weakly, “Brother? Klaus?”


	3. A Learning Experience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (I) Five gets to experience his siblings fighting over their father's ashes again 
> 
> (II) Five is having a hard time figuring out how being alive works

After Five fixed himself and his brother a drink, he sat beside Klaus and let the family yell at each other over what was the best way to send off their old man. He decided to stay out of it and just sip away while he figured out what exactly caused him to jump so dramatically.

As far as he could remember, he tried to jump from his kitchen to his living room to turn off the tv. It was irritating him because all the news anchor would talk about was how “offensive” it was to Reginald Hargreeves for Klaus to change the estate the way he was. 

He could only imagine that maybe,  _ maybe,  _ his frustration was the cause of it. And if that was true, why had this not happen before? He’s been frustrated multiple times when he worked for The Commission. Hell, he’s frustrated  _ now  _ and he’s already jumped a total of six times.

_ None of this makes sense, _ Five thought bitterly.

“What about you Five, what should we do?” Luther asked, breaking his thought process.

“Throw the ashes in the fire and be done with it.”

Luther’s cheeked reddened and he puffed out his chest, “We are  _ not  _ doing that!”

“That’s so much more deserving than your boring way.” Klaus waved his drink, sloshing it over his pants. He didn’t seem to care. “It’s symbolic.”

“Of what?” Allison inquired.

Diego answered, “That his ass is in hell.”

Five smiled devilishly and tipped his glass at Diego, “Now we agree.”

“Guys, c’mon, this is serious.” Allison glanced at Luther, “Let’s go with Luther’s idea, okay? It was his favourite spot, right?”

“Yeah.” Luther nodded, “You guys remember, right?”

They all gave him blank looks.

“He didn’t take you there?” Luther blinked.

“Let’s just speed this up,  _ please.”  _ Five sighed and stood up, “Go spread the ashes by the tree so we can get this family drama rolling.”

“Five?”

Everybody paused and turned to face where the voice came from. Vanya stood in the doorway of the living room, eyes widened and roaming. It was awkward, just standing there while his sister took in the fact that he wasn’t dead. He remembers Ben having a far more graceful approach to them when he came back to life.

_ He’s had longer to plan!  _ Five thought.

“Hey.” He flashed a quick smile, setting his drink down and put his hands in his pockets, “I’m-”

“How?” Vanya asked, stepping in carefully, as if she might spook him.

_ I’m sure I’d scare her more than she could ever scare me if she knew who I really was. _

“We’re not sure, yet.” Luther said, “Uh… Klaus might have-”

“I did  _ not  _ resurrect our baby brother, I would have known about it!”

“-okay, well… we don’t know.”

“I’m  _ not _ your Five.” he repeated flatly, “I’m from a different timeline. And-”

Vanya already had her arms around him before he could finish. He stifled a sigh and hugged her, squeezing her just a bit too hard so she would get the idea to let go of him.

“I can’t believe you’re back.” She said, searching his face as if he looked any different, “Are… are you mad at me?”

“No.” Five frowned, “Why would I be?”

Diego scoffed from behind them, “Oh, great. He doesn’t even remember you betraying us.”

Vanya looked down.

Five bristled and glared at Diego, “What, the book?”

“Guys, not right now.” Allison spoke up, frowning at them all before motioning to go outside, “Let’s go pay our respects, okay?”

“I’ll go get Mom.” Diego said.

“I’ll get Pogo.” Vanya mumbled, slowly stepping away from Five, “It’s nice to see you again, Five.”

“You’ll see me more often.” He reminded her quickly, “I’m being forced to stay around you all by Diego anyway.”

Her eyes lit up and she turned to leave, a hidden smile on her face. He smiled to himself and then turned to face the three remaining siblings in the living room. Klaus was staring at him like he grew an extra head, Allison looked like she didn’t know what to do, and Luther seemed to just be trying to calm himself down.

“Where’s the umbrellas?” He asked, grabbing his drink again and sipping.

“What?” Allison made a face, “What will you need those for?”

“It’s going to rain.” And it was. Five remembers this clearly. 

“It’s clear outside.” Luther made a face, “We don’t need an umbrella.”

“Five?”

He turned around to look back at who said it, and nearly groaned out loud when he realized it was their mom.  _ Great.  _

_ Round two,  _ he thought, and let her hug him.

 

. . .

 

“Alright,” Luther mumbled, “You were right, we needed an umbrella.”

Five hugged himself and huffed, glaring at Luther and moving to hide under Klaus’s pink umbrella since his family was stupid and didn’t listen to him. 

“Not listening to me results in direct consequences.” He growled under his breath. 

“You’re like a little hermit right now!” Klaus said gleefully, switching his umbrella to the opposite hand and putting an arm around him, “All brooding and… Dang, you’re like a smaller Diego.”

“Klaus,” Diego directed his glare, “we can all hear you. More importantly, the guy who can throw  _ knives  _ can hear you.”

Five rolled his eyes, “Just hurry this up, please.” The rain was beginning to make him shiver.

“Did something happen?” Grace asked, a pleased smile on her face. 

_ Oh, here we go.  _ Five thought.

“Dad died, remember?” Allison asked, a tilt to her voice that sounded concerned.

“Oh.” Grace’s face dropped and her voice dipped, “Yes, of course.” 

Diego’s eyes jumped back and forth, as if drawing up the same conclusion that something  _ was  _ wrong with her the same way the rest of them had in the end.

“Is mom okay?” Allison asked him.

He shifted defensively, “Yeah, yeah, she’s fine.” He looked at Grace fondly, “She just needs to rest. You know, recharge.”

Pogo,  _ finally,  _ made his appearance. He staggered on with his cane and umbrella in hand, making himself at home next to Vanya and looked up to Luther. “Whenever you’re ready, dear boy.”

_ You’re lucky I don’t have my gun on me,  _ Five thought, glaring daggers at their butler before forcing himself to look away.

“Right.” Luther tentatively held out the ash vase. It was only a few inches away, as if protective of it. Five wouldn’t put it past him to actually be protective. Finally, he took the top off and slowly tilted it to let the ashes fall. 

_ Wow, just as anticlimactic as I remember. _

“Probably would have been better with some wind.” Luther said after he finished gawking.

Five exhaled lightly through his nose, hiding his smile to himself because now that he had nothing to technically worry about (after all, he could simply save the apocalypse by killing Harold, so there’s nothing  _ too  _ worry about) he could enjoy the pure idiocy of this funeral.

“... Does anyone wish to speak?” Pogo asked after a very painful pause, looking around. When nobody responded, he deflated slightly. As if  _ disappointed.  _ “Very well… In all regards, Sir Reginald Hargreeves made me what I am today.”

_ A fuckin’ lair and thief,  _ Five thought.

“For that alone,” Pogo looked down sadly, “I shall forever be in his debt. He was my master… and my friend, and I shall miss him very much.”

_ Luther actually looks close to crying!  _ Five thought, glancing around at his family to see how they were all handling the funeral. Honestly, he’s just waiting for Diego to say something so the fun can begin.

Pogo sighed softly, “He leaves behind a complicated legacy--”

“He was a monster.” Diego cut in, staring at the ashes like it was still their father standing before them. Cold and full of  _ hatred.  _ He heard Klaus exhale from beside him, a goofy grin on his face as he dry laughed. 

“He was a bad person and a worse father. The world’s better off without him.” Diego continued.

“Diego…!” Allison hissed.

“My name is Number Two.” He looked at her incredulously, “You know why? Because our father couldn’t be bothered to give us actual names. He had mom do it.”

_ Here we go.  _ Five put his hands in his pockets and watched.

“Would anyone like something to eat?” Grace asked, smile returned to her face.

“No, it’s okay, mom.” Vanya said softly.

Grace nodded, “Oh, okay.”

“Look, you wanna pay your respects?” Diego stepped forward, “Go ahead. But at least be honest about the kind of man he was.”

“You should stop talking now.” Luther said lowly.

The tension was  _ palpable  _ and Five loved it. He hasn’t had this amount of family drama since Diego said he accidentally got Eudora pregnant again, and to be honest? It’s a lot more fun to watch your siblings hash it out over your dad’s ashes than to tell Diego to learn how to buy condoms that actually fit. 

Klaus’s arm tightened around his shoulder, as if he too could feel the rising fact that there was going to be a fight.

“You know, you of all people should be on my side here, Number One.” Diego challenged.

“I am warning you.” Luther tensed.

“After everything he did to you? He had to ship you a million miles away.”

_ “Diego, stop talking.” _

“That is how much he couldn’t stand the sight of you!” Diego made life-changing decision to point at Luther and that’s all it took, really. Luther retaliated and man it was  _ on.  _ Luther was throwing punch after punch and, of course, because Diego was smaller he could dodge every one of them.

“Boys!” Pogo panicked, “Stop this at once!”

Klaus tried to pull him back, because everybody was stepping away now. With his arm around him, it made it a little difficult to get away, but he did. He slapped away Klaus’s hand for good measure.

Diego landed a few more spectacular punches, Five has to say. He’s pretty satisfied about how this fight’s going.

“Hit him!” Klaus cheered, “Hit him!”

Five laughed.

Like all good things, this ended too soon. Diego threw a knife, split through Luther’s coat, and he fled to hide. Vanya told Diego off in her own way and Diego shot back the fact that she wrote a book about them. It’s the usual.

Five exhaled through his nose and gave three slow claps for his brother, “Spectacular! I love being with family.”

Diego looked at him, a guilt dawning on his face. Five rolled his eyes and moved to walk inside. He’s cold and needs to change his clothes.

* * *

Okay! So, being alive isn’t all that it’s cut out to be. First off, Five forgot how hard it was to not let things slip through his fingers so he’s broken a total of three cups. He also relearned how to write his name, stubbed his toe, and has clipped his shoulders on so many wall-corners that he knows they both have bruises.

Also, the phone’s been ringing for a few hours now and he doesn’t know how to work it. 

Klaus didn’t have a phone, so he never really got to see how people do it. He’s drop it a few times and cracked the screen, but that’s alright because he can still make out the fact that  _ none of the numbers are saved.  _ He’s pretty sure phones have names in them, right?

To be honest, he’s been too scared to answer it. What if they call the police on him? He’s not ready to go to jail for breaking-and-entering. He’s _ seen  _ Klaus in jail. It looks boring.

“Just answer the phone… pretend you’re the nephew of whoever lives here.” He told himself, watching as it rang  _ again.  _ Whoever wanted to talk to the owner of the phone wanted it bad.

He hesitantly took the phone, hitting the green button on the screen with the vibrating phone silhouette. 

“FIVE!” 

He flinched, dropping the phone again and made a face at the splintering sound it created. “Oops.”

When he scooped it back up, the screen was  _ definitely  _ destroyed. He brushed away a few flakes of glass, “Uh… who’s this?”

“Are you kidding me? Klaus asked you to  _ help him  _ today! Where are you? He’s freaking out!”

“Where’s Klaus?” He asked, “Where can I find him?”

“He’s at the house! Dude, did you get high or something? I’m suppose to be on vacation with my family and I’m stuck having to talk down our brother.”

“Uh… okay.” Five frowned, “How do I get to the house?”

“... I’m calling Ben.”

“Wait, but, seriously, how do I get out of here-”

“Sit wherever you are and do not move. I can’t believe you got drunk, on the day Klaus asked you to help him sell his story to investors.”

“But I didn’t- What story?”

_ Click.  _

Five looked up from the phone, flabbergasted and confused. He doesn’t know how to get  _ out  _ of the house. The doors won’t move and the windows have bars on them. He set the phone down on the counter and sighed. 

Well, hopefully Ben will be on his way and he’ll get some answers about why he’s alive again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIP Five's phone ):


	4. I don't have to see you right now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (I) Five finally gets someone to believe him
> 
> (II) Five learns how to unlock a door

After he changed his clothes and re-brushed his hair, he went downstairs to find the nearest sibling. He’s got to make good on Diego’s deal, after all.

 

“That was fun, wasn’t it?” Five asked Allison as he approached her, “I didn’t get to stay to watch the full fight last time. Nice to know that if Number One and Two fought, Number Two wins by default.”

Allison stared at him before shaking her head and sighing. “I don’t understand you.”

“That’s fine.” He followed where her gaze went and bristled when he realized they were staring at _the_ painting. “Y’know… I always hated that picture.”

“Really?” Her voice lilted.

“Yeah. It looks nothing like me. It’s… cold.” He frowned, “It looks like I died before I disappeared. Or, well, in this timeline, It looks like I died before I actually died.”

“You’re really sticking to that story, huh?”

Five looked at his sister and tipped his head quizzically.

She threw her hands in exasperation before crossing them, “I don’t understand you. You died and fifteen years later, you’re back… and you don’t even want to be _around_ us.”

“Don’t take it personally, I wasn't exactly welcoming to you guys the first time this happened.” He scoffed and put his hands in his pockets, “What I’m saying is the _truth,_ Allison. I’m not your Five.”

Her gaze didn’t waver. At least, not at first. She gave a shaky sigh and turned the other way, walking away from him as if he was the one making things difficult. He bristled at that, enraged that they all thought he was lying.

He _never_ made it a habit to lie. Ever. Especially to his family. So, why were they treating this like a delusion they needed to indulge? He was not Klaus. He didn’t need to be walked through his impersonal dilemmas. He’s been to therapy for ten years now, he’s fine. He’s _better._

Someone set a hand on his shoulder. Normally, it would be a fatal mistake, but he wasn’t exactly on his guard and he knew instinctively it wasn’t intended to harm him.

“Hey,” Klaus said, “you feelin’ okay? Not, like, worried about walking through walls again?”

“No.” He shrugged off his hand and turned around to face him, “How about you? How’re you feeling?”

“Oh, just had a few secret words with the old man.” Klaus laughed to himself dryly, “Bastard probably doesn’t even care.”

“No, I figure he’s hiding in hell waiting for you to get sober.” Five eyed him up-and-down before smiling, “You may find you like it, you know. Being sober, that is. Not the part about seeing dad.”

Klaus gave him a funny look and set his hands on his hips, “Since when did you start sounding like a little business man?”

“Since I was a lobbyist.” Five laughed lightly to himself, “Didn’t last long, about two years before they found out I started the job at seventeen.”

“Oh… how’d that go for you?” Klaus asked.

 _I knew I could count on Klaus,_ Five thought. He may doubt his brother’s intellect from time-to-time, but the fact that Klaus wasn’t trying to shove down his throat the fact that he had died and never made it to seventeen in this world meant he believed him. At least, minutely.

“I got off easy. Diego got me out of a lot of trouble and pulled some strings. Actually, I was even suppose to… oh no.” His smiled dropped and realization dawned on him, “Oh _no.”_

“What?” Klaus asked, “Is the memory of dying coming back to you?”

“No!” Five growled and dug his nails into his palms, “I forgot today was the day you asked me to help pitch for you. _Fuck.”_

Great, now he’s an even worse brother. Even if this _didn’t_ happen, he still would have forgotten and it would have been too late.

“I’m so going to get mauled by Weston.” Five groaned, carding his hands through his hair. He does _not_ want to deal with Klaus’s fiancé yelling at him, the guy’s built like an ox and he could definitely give Five a run for his money.

“Who’s Weston?” Klaus prodded, “Is that, like, the devil? Did you go to hell, Five?”

Excitement drenched his brother’s next question, “Did you see dad down there and that’s what scared you to life?”

“No, you idiot.” Five glared, “Weston’s-- nobody. I already fucked with the timeline enough… God, I need a coffee.”

“Wanna go to that donut place we like?” Klaus bounced on his heels, “Diego can drive!”

Five scoffed, _“I’ll_ drive.”

“Do you even know how to drive?”

Five advanced on his brother until he raised his arms in surrender, “I know how to do everything.”

 

. . .

 

Turns out, they came to the same place Five first went to when he wanted to grab coffee before. It made him scoff and smile ruefully. This was _definitely_ a cruel joke from some higher being.

“You remember this place, right?” Klaus asked excitedly, “Or… um, did you have this in your world?”

Five really appreciated the fact that Klaus was trying to understand him. He could tell he didn’t believe a word he said, but the implication that he cared enough was enough to keep Five from snapping at him.

“Yeah. Griddy’s is our favourite place.” Five offered a quick smile, “We’ve seen more of this place than the bank that seems to get robbed every twenty minutes.”

“I know, right?” Klaus laughed, “Remember when Diego got so upset that he just straight-up knifed those guys when we realized they robbed the place three times already? That was some fast acting justice.”

“I almost miss those days.” Five said wistfully, “When we were young… I miss being a kid.”

Klaus gave him a funny look, “How… how old are you now?”

“Eighty.” He said, sipping his coffee and soaking in the warmth of it. _Perfect._

Klaus’s jaw dropped and he jerked upright, “Y… No you’re not.”

“When I first saw you guys after the apocalypse, I was fifty-eight.” Five explained, “Then I brought you all back with me, to when we were thirteen. And we grew to be thirty-eight… and now, I’m here. So, if you want a technical answer, I’m 83.”

He shot back the last of his coffee while Klaus stared at him. After the silence was starting to make him uncomfortable, he glared at him and lifted a brow.

“What?”

“Oh, nothing.” Klaus shook his head, a glint of mischief in his eyes, “You just don’t look a day over thirteen. Tell me, what’s your secret?”

While Five laughed, he heard the bell of the front door open and the far-too memorable clanking of boots on the ground.

_No way…_

“Excuse me, Kid.” Grumbled one of the men and, judging by how Klaus squeaked, he must have a gun pointed at them. Five stifled a sigh and turned in his chair, feigning innocence.

“What can I do for you?” He asked.

The lead grunt (a man he recognized from the first night he came back from the apocalypse), lowered his gun slightly. “Number Five, you’re coming with us.”

“No, I don’t think so.” Five gave a faux smile, “Leave while you still can, gentlemen.”

“Uh… Five, they have guns… and we don’t.” Klaus whispered.

“Listen to your brother and be smart. We’ll strike you a deal, alright? You come with us, and we don’t riddle your brother with bullets.” Growled one of the men from the side.

“Klaus, go behind the counter.” Five ordered. When his brother hesitated, he sent a harsh glare in his direction, “Now, Number Four!”

Klaus stood up stiffly, “Fine. But only because I think the waitress is hiding booze and not because… they’re creepy as fuck.”

“You think I want to kill a kid?” The man frowned, “Go home with that on my conscience?”

“Look, I’m not in the mood.” Five narrowed his eyes, “Go back to The Commission and be a good lapdog, because I’m already solving your errand.”

“How do you know about--” The man seemed to catch himself. At least, it was that, or the sharp hit in the gut with the end of someone’s automatic.

“Let me tell you what’s going to happen, because I’m feeling generous.” Five leaned forward, “I’m going to take each and everyone of you out, one-by-one. First, I’ll stab him in the eye, then let you pretend you know what you’re doing by wasting ammunition and, finally, when you’re all feeling in the clear, I’m going to pluck you out.”

And like true Commission hounds, they didn’t waver due to his threat. If they were in his world, that would have offended the hell out of him. But they didn’t know him and they didn’t know his legacy.

“Unless you all want to avoid such a… _fun_ endeavor…”

When they raised their guns, Five made the speedy decision to grab Klaus’s knife.

 

. . .

 

Turns out everything happened exactly as Five predicted. Who would have figured?

After he broke the last guys neck, he brushed off his uniform and took a moment to himself. “Klaus, c’mon, let’s go.”

Klaus peaked his head out from behind the counter, wide-eyed and jittery. “Holy _shit!”_

“Hurry up, the police are going to be here.” Five hissed, already walking out of the restaurant. He made it about ten steps before Klaus finally caught up to him, grabbing at his shoulder and twisting him roughly to face each other.

“That… That just happened, right?” He asked, “I’m not high off my horse again?”

“Which truth can you live with?” Five asked, “That your brother killed eight men or that you were so high you indulged in a homicide-daydream?”

“I mean… it wouldn’t be the first.”

Five scoffed and shook his head, “Right…”

“So… so all of that was true? You’re not _our_ Five?” Klaus blinked owlishly, “Because I know our Five. I grew up and he never did. He couldn’t do any of that… I don’t even think he remembers how to tie his shoes.”

“I don’t lie, Klaus.” His eyebrow twitched, giving into his rage just a bit, “Never to you, or to our family. Everything I said was true.”

Klaus glanced between his eyes, as if he didn’t know which one to focus on, before he gave a confident nod. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. Okay.”

* * *

When Five heard a knock at the door, he slammed into the wall again in his excitement. Totally his fault! He’ll remember that walls are a no-walk zone next time. So while his nose bled again, he walked the right way to the door and tried pushing it open again, he even jiggled the knob.

“Five? Dude, open the door.” That’s Ben! “C’mon, It’s 4. You gotta leave sometime.”

“I can’t open it!” He exclaimed, “Ben, help me.”

“... Man, you must be really drunk. You sound like a kid again. Listen, dude, just unlock the door.”

“... unlock it?”

“Yeah, you psychotic grandpa.”

He stepped back and looked at the bolt on the knob. _Oh._ He turned it and stepped away from the door, “Try it now.”

Ben pushed open the door slowly before walking in and shutting it hurriedly, “Dude, you are in so much trouble with Diego and Klaus right no-...” His eyes locked on him, a blank expression on his face.

 _This isn’t the warm welcome I was expecting._ He thought, shifting nervously on his feet. He thought his siblings would be happy he’s back from the dead, not… neutral.

“I hit the wall twice.” He explained, because maybe it was the blood all over his face, clothes, and hands that made him pause, “That’s why…”

“What happened?” Ben asked, “Why are you thirteen again? Did you try to time travel?”

 _That’s not possible,_ He dreamed of answering, _Dad said so, remember?_

He felt like it’d be stupid to say that though, because they were all there when he declared it so. Sure, he looked at the mathematics, but none of them made sense and he gave it up when he died.

“Um… No…”

“Then what happened?” Ben frowned, his eyes narrowing, “If you didn’t help Klaus because of this you could have called and _told him_ instead of ignoring all of us!”

“I thought you’d be happy...” Five stepped away while Ben marched past him and into the kitchen. Water started running and he supposed Ben was getting ready to clean him up of the blood. And maybe yell at him again.

He doesn’t want to be yelled at. Not right now, at least. He wants to see Klaus and feel welcomed, because Klaus is his best friend. He’s _always_ forgiven him when he makes a mistake like this… even though he doesn’t understand what’s happening.

So he left the house and ran in the direction he recognized. When he finds their dad’s house, he’ll find Klaus, and he’ll feel better.

He wishes he remembered how to use his powers so he could get there quicker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title courtesy of the song Mt Washington


	5. we're still the same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (I) Five protecc. Five Attac. But most importantly... he get his loved ones bacc
> 
> (II) Five sees two of his other brothers. Not good.

Five took Klaus home after they properly destroyed the diner. He made sure to park the car discreetly, just in case anybody saw them. By the time they got home, it was dark, and he wanted to make good on Diego’s deal. He  _ needs  _ that knife.

“So… how do you plan to get back?” Klaus asked, “And how can we get our Five back? Not to pick favourites or anything, but I kinda like my Five the best.”

“I don’t know how to get back  _ yet.”  _ Five opened the door for his brother and walked in after him, “Hopefully, it won’t be long. I need to take care of some business here and then I can start my process.”

“What do you need to do here?” Klaus tilted his head, “You’re not even supposed to be here, technically.”

“No, but neither is your brother. So, if your brother comes back  _ alive,  _ he’s going to be dealing with The Commission, and from what you’ve told me… he won’t last. I need to destroy them like I did back when I was twenty.” 

“You destroyed an entire base and operation?” Klaus’s eyes were practically shimmering, “Dude, you gotta tell me how to overthrow the government.”

Five rolled his eyes, but did smile. “Maybe another time.”

* * *

A lot of people looked at Five while he ran down the sidewalk. Like, a lot. He’s pretty sure it was because he was covered in blood though, so they were just being good samaritans. He avoided every single one of them though, because he had a mission to see Klaus. After all, Klaus was the only one who would understand what was happening. Maybe he was freaking out about not being able to see him. Maybe _that’s_ why he’s mad. And if that is the case, he can make it all better when he explains to Klaus that he’s alright and alive!

By the time he got to the block their house was on, he was dragging himself along to their front door. It was so much easier walking as a ghost, he never got tired. He’s  _ exhausted  _ now. 

“Can’t wait to sleep in my own bed…” Five told himself, a shimmer of hope making the ache in his legs that much more bearable. He’s going to sleep in his own bed tonight, and he’s going to eat his favourite foods, and he’s going to hug his family. 

When he got to the front door, he pushed the it open slowly and took a few small steps in. He instantly knew things were different. The paintings were gone and so were all of the pictures Mom kept. He walked over to the living room, sliding the doors open and taking in the new space it had. The couches were gone and so were the bar stools.  _ Everything  _ was gone, actually. 

Even his old picture.

_ Why’s that gone?  _ He thought, fighting a tremble of his lip. They got that after he died, that should be the one thing that stays up. He thought it meant a lot to them.

Was  _ anything  _ left in the house?

Five jumped when he heard footsteps echoing. Someone was coming to him, but they didn’t sound close. He turned and walked right back out of the living room, peeking up at the stairs. 

“-- No, I haven’t seen him.”  _ Klaus!  _

He was walking down their second flight of stairs, looking backwards as he talked to  _ someone.  _

“Klaus!” Five exclaimed, jumping out from where he was hiding and sprinting up the stairs, “Klaus, I’m not-”

“Oh, he’s right here.” 

Well, he didn’t sound too excited about that.

Five stopped half-way to Klaus, frowning at him in confusion before looking to the side.  _ Ben.  _

_ Great!  _ He thought,  _ you ruined my surprise! _

“Snitch.” Five hissed, glaring now. 

“I thought you would have washed off the blood by now.” Klaus said, sounding  _ very  _ different than from how he sounded yesterday. He sounded clear, like he wasn’t just making up words as he spoke. He doesn’t remember Klaus ever sounding like this before.

Five looked back at Klaus, perking up instantly at the halfway smile on his face. “I wanted proof.”

“That you ran into a wall?”

“Twice.” He corrected proudly.

Klaus did a funny half-wheeze, half-laugh thing and looked at Ben. Which he didn’t understand because he should be looking at  _ him,  _ y’know, the dead brother who came back to life. 

He decided that maybe Klaus didn’t believe him, maybe he was still in denial about it. So, he hurried back up the stairs and reached out to hug him. If Klaus could feel him, he would know this was real.

Instead, his brother took rapid steps away and raised his hands up, “Woah, what are you doing? You’re covered in blood, Five!”

Five froze. 

“Cheese-on-crackers, look, just, go wash up and we can talk about this later, okay?”

_ “Later?”  _ He asked, a mixture of his hurt and confusion bleeding into his voice and making it shake, “But- Klaus, I’m  _ here.  _ I am.”

“Yeah, I can see that. A little too late.” Klaus made a motion with his hand, “The last of the investors just left.”

“Who cares about investigators?” Five mumbled.

“Five,” Ben interjected, “you’re still drunk, so just go home and-”

“I  _ am  _ home!” Five snapped. What is  _ happening?  _

“You guys are awful brothers--  _ especially you.”  _ He glared at Klaus, “You’re- you- fifteen years and-”

He couldn’t catch the words. It felt awful not being able to get his head together, it was like the first few days he spent dead. All he could do was spit out gibberish and curses and it was frustrating.

What he couldn’t understand is why his brothers were looking at him like he was an idiot. Why weren’t they acting  _ normal?  _

He tensed when Klaus reached to touch him and quickly stepped away from him. He slipped down a step, but managed to keep himself up-right. This wasn’t his Klaus, that much was sure. 

His eyes locked on Ben. Maybe this wasn’t his Ben, either.

_ These aren’t my brothers,  _ He realized. 

He ran out of his house.

 

. . .

 

So, as far as he knows, the only safe place to report this is the police station. Five’s seen Klaus report a lot of missing people there, most of them his friends from the street, and the police have always been helpful about it. Maybe they could help him find his real brothers?

_ I saved them once, I’ll do it again,  _ Five decided. It’s a little stupid that he has to hold that responsibility on his shoulders again so soon after coming to life, but he’s pretty sure Dad would tell him to adapt, and adapt he will!

“Hello,” Five greeted once he got to the front counter of the police station, “I’m here to report missing people.”

“People?” The man inquired, not looking up from his newspaper, “Alright. Pet dog or pet cat?”

“No, real people.” He explained, “My brothers.”

The man looked up at that. He set his newspaper down slowly and leaned over, “How old are these brothers of yours?”

He blinked, “We were born on the same day.”

The man’s bushy eyebrows shot right up and he jerked, “Alright, let me call… let me get someone for you, okay? I’m gonna make sure that you-”

“No need, Ross.”

Huh, that’s funny. That almost sounded like Diego. But, that’s not right because Diego doesn’t work here.

“Detective Hargreeves?”

Five spun around, eyes wide as he watched Diego,  _ actually Diego,  _ walk towards them and wave a hand, “I know where his brothers are.”

_ Another imposter?  _ He thought, “My  _ real  _ brothers?”

Diego looked at him incredulously, making a face before nodding, “Yeah, Five, your real brothers.”

Oh, good!

He let Diego talk to  _ Ross  _ for a few minutes and followed him outside. He wasn’t sure what to do now that he had Diego here. Diego never really seemed to be the huggy type, or the  _ I’m happy you’re not dead!  _ type. 

“Are you happy to see me?” He asked, following Diego now because he wasn’t exactly sure where they were heading.

“Not really.” Diego said.

_ Oh. _

Five deflated a little bit, deciding just to keep quiet for now. Well, he  _ was  _ going to stay quiet until Diego opened the back door of a police car.

“I’m getting arrested?” He asked incredulously. 

“No,” Diego seemed to grit the word out from his teeth, “It’s my car.”

“Oh.” He slowly climbed in, flinching when his brother slammed the door shut.

Diego is  _ not  _ happy he’s alive, that’s for sure.

“Did I do something?” He asked, “Like… did Dad’s inheritance just get harder to distribute? You can have mine.”

“Dad’s been dead for three years, Five.”

Five felt like his brain short circuit. He actually glanced to the side, as if Klaus would be there beside him to react to that. He forgot he’s not around his brother anymore.

“No, he died yesterday.” Five frowned and eyed Diego. Something wasn’t right.

“Five, I know you’re drunk or whatever, but being an idiot doesn’t usually fit into your schedule… So, I’m confused about what’s going on with you.”

Five leaned back in his chair and swallowed a sigh. Yeah, of course Diego isn’t actually Diego. He should have figured that out in the police station.

And now he’s stuck inside a police car with the imposter.

“Nevermind.” He mumbled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from the song King and Lionheart by Of Monsters & Men


	6. We Are Powerless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (I) Five forced Diego to make good on his deal
> 
> (II) Five puts the pieces together

At the end of the day, Five kept his deal like he promised. He sought out Diego, searching through the house before figuring the bastard left without a proper goodbye. Figures. 

He blinked into his brother’s home, AKA the basement of a boxing ring. Diego didn’t seem to appreciate it when he appeared on his bed umprompted.

“Jesus!” Diego snapped, nearly dropping the towel he was holding, “Learn to knock, will you?”

“We had a deal.” Five reminded him, “I need your knife, Diego.”

Diego lifted a brow and finished drying off his hair with his towel, “Why do you need it, anyway? You could have taken one from the kitchen. Or even stolen one like you used to do when we were little.”

Five rolled his eyes, “You know why.”

“Because they’re untraceable.”

“You’re not as stupid as you look.” Five teased, “Now, the  _ knife,  _ Diego.”

“Five, the only reason you would need an untraceable knife is if you’re going into a life of a vigilante. And to be honest, you’re a little young.” Diego sighed loudly and sat down beside him, “Just go home and be with the family, okay? Be in your room for a while, you must have missed that, right?”

“Not a single bit.” Five snapped, pissed off that Diego told him he was  _a little young._  He didn’t have time for this, he needs to kill Harold Jenkins  _ now.  _  “I hate that house. Now give me the fucking knife, Number Two.”

Diego’s eyes snapped up at him and his lip twitched. “Five.”

“Diego.” He emphasized his name, “You’re a man of your word, aren’t you?”

_ “Yes…!” _

“Then prove it!”

_ Finally,  _ Diego groans and stands up. He digs through the many cardboard boxes he has and begrudgingly comes over to give Five a knife. Admittingly, it’s smaller than what he would prefer, but he can handle it. He’s done worse with much less.

_ “Thank you.”  _ He gritted, tucking the knife away into his vest and standing up, “That’s all I came to get.”

“Do you want to stay a while?” Diego asked, a little desperately, “Talk, maybe?”

_ Why are you so clingy?  _ Five thought, stifling a deep sigh and turning to face Diego, “What do you want to talk about?”

His brother seemed off-put by his response. It suddenly occurred to Five that maybe his brother expected a little more enthusiasm out of him.

_ Well,  _ He thought,  _ That’s his fault! I already told them I’m not their Five. _

“How are you handling being alive?” Diego asked, holding out a hand for him to take. The gesture was so gentle that Five couldn't slap it away like he normally would have. “Do… you wanna talk about how you died?”

_ That could be helpful information,  _ Five considered. If he knew how he died, maybe he could fix up this entire mess. Maybe  _ that  _ was the key to getting home. Any information is better than what he’s dealing with right now.

“... Yeah, I do.” Five slowly sat back down beside his brother, “How’d I die in this timeline?”

* * *

Diego took Five to their Father’s house. A part of him knew that it was going to happen, but he still got unbelievably sick to the stomach at the sight of it.

In there were two imposters,  _ pretending  _ to be his brothers. What is he going to do?

“Meet me inside,” Diego grumbled back at him, “Luther and Vanya are there too. You’re lucky Allison isn’t in town or she would kill you for standing up Klaus like that.”

“I’ll be sure to remember that.” Five bit back at him, glaring at the Diego-imposter while he got out of the car and walked to the front door. He sighed and reached to open his side of the door, because he could surely make a run for it with Diego’s back turned. Except, it wouldn’t open.

“Oh.” He blinked, then looked to where Diego was, which was halfway to the front door, “Hey! Wait! I can’t get out!” 

He ignored him and walked on in!

“HEY!” Five yelled. For a short second, he thought that maybe he was dead again and that’s why nobody could hear him. He reassured himself quickly though by banging his head on the glass.

Nope, still alive. And in a lot of pain now.

He held his head and tried kicking the door. When that didn’t work, he maneuvered his body awkwardly to kick the cage that separated the backseats and the front seats. It didn’t open either.

“Help!” Five called, “Help! I’m a kid kidnapped by someone who looks like my brother but isn’t!”

And, as if the world was against him, nobody walked by. 

He sat back in his seat and sighed out tightly. He felt hopeless and stupid. He feels like  _ Vanya;  _ powerless and unable to help himself. It was humiliating, to say the least. If he knew how to use his powers, he would… but he can’t. A part of him wondered if they were gone for good, if Luther was right about him.

He rubbed his eyes because they got watery and decided to try knocking against the cage again. It rattled, unlike the door window, and if he could just kick it enough times… maybe he could get out.

“Please work,” He begged, rearing one foot back and slamming against the metal. His knee jolted and he felt like his ankle popped. It didn’t hurt, but it startled him enough to freeze and slowly lower his foot back down.

“Maybe kicking metal isn’t a smart idea…” He mumbled. Okay, fine. He’ll just use his whole body. 

_ More force is better, right?  _ He asked himself, pushing as far back as he could in his seat and geared himself for the impact. It’s gonna hurt, he knows that, but he needs to get  _ out.  _ Besides, he hasn’t felt real pain in a long time. He’s not really scared of it.

Just as he was about to throw himself against the cage, the car door threw open and Diego’s angry voice nearly drowned out his other senses. 

“Are you purposely being the biggest idiot in the world?” He yelled, “Do I have to do a breathalyzer test on you, Five?”

“You didn’t open the door!” Five snapped, practically throwing himself out and landing on his knees. He winced at first, then scrambled up and brushed off the dirt from his new scrapes. 

_ Cool!  _ Five thought.  _ More proof I’m not dead. _

“You could have just jumped out!” Diego glared at him, “Get inside, already.”

He looked at Diego, then down the block, and back at him. His brain made a quick choice decision, and that was to run as fast and as far as possible. So, he tried to pull a quick move on him by going around, but Diego was faster and caught him by the arm.

He doesn’t know why, but he froze. He didn’t struggle like he planned to and he didn’t get angry about how tight Diego was holding him. He even let Diego rant at him while he dragged him up the stairs, still holding onto him. 

Five hurried to rub his eyes dry when Diego wasn’t looking because it would be absolutely humiliating to be caught crying by someone who wasn’t family. 

_ I really am alive,  _ He told himself,  _ Diego’s touching me. Someone’s touching me. _

He likes human contact. A lot, actually.

When Diego finally let go of his arm and slammed the door shut, he pointed to the living room with a glare, “Go.”

Five stared at him for a while before slowly moving in. He’s got to prepare for the absolute worse. Maybe these imposters were aliens, sent to take over the world. 

_ And them choosing us makes total sense!  _ Five told himself,  _ We’re the weirdest people here! They probably feel at home! _

None of his intelligent self-banter could prepare him for what he actually saw, though, which was Luther. Except, he wasn’t…  _ his  _ Luther. This Luther looked like a normal muscly man, not the one who had the body physique of a swollen triangle. 

“You’re smaller.” Five said, eyeing Luther.

Luther made a face at him, “No,  _ you’re  _ smaller.”

“I’m the same size I’ve always been!” He defended himself, bristling, “What happened to that dumb trench coat?”

Nobody answered him, which was frustrating as hell. They all looked at each other, and then to him like he was an idiot.  _ Again.  _

_ What would dad say right now?  _ He asked himself, but then brushed the thought away. It doesn’t matter what dad would say, because dad was arguably the dumbest person in the house. He decided to do what he did best, which was control the situation. 

“I know what you are,” He declared, “and there’s nothing you can do to stop me from finding my  _ real  _ family.”

They stared at him again. The only one who looked concerned was Vanya, which instantly told him she was a fake. Vanya’s never cared about them. She’s never cared about  _ him.  _ She  _ used  _ him as a means to sell her book.

“So you can quit pretending.” He added, glaring at Klaus, “Because you’re all awful at it anyway.”

“What the hell makes you think we’re pretending?” Ben asked, standing up from a bar stool and setting a pop can on the counter.

“It’s painfully obvious.” Five deadpanned.

“Prove it.” Diego butted in, looking smug. He looked like he was enjoying this, so Five decided to bring out the big gun on them.

“How’d I die?” He asked, “How’d I  _ really  _ die? Not the fake stuff dad sold the news.”

That kicked nearly everybody into action. Nearly. Luther whipped his head to look at Vanya, who in turn looked at Diego, who’s smile dropped off his face. Klaus and Ben looked at each other, which frustrated him to no end. 

_ Since when were Klaus and Ben friends?  _ He glowered to himself.

“Died?” Luther echoed.

Vanya opened her mouth, “Five, you didn’t-”

“I didn’t ask you.” Five snapped, bristling at her because even if she wasn’t his Vanya, he still disliked her with a passion, “Stay out of it.”

Her eyes widened with hurt and she stood up from her chair.

“Five!” Klaus and Diego said at the same time.

_ Oh,  _ He thought,  _ now I  _ know  _ you’re not the same!  _

Diego and Klaus would have been on his side in a second, not staring at him like he just burnt their favourite sweater.

“See!” He exclaimed, “You’re awful at it! You couldn’t even answer my question, and you all were there!”

“Five, you didn’t die.” Luther said.

Well, now he’s just offended. He glared at Luther, struggling to spit out the words again.  _ Yes,  _ he did die! He didn’t imagine that! 

“Five,  _ Ben  _ died.” Vanya said, surprisingly calm and confident, “Not you.”

“That’s-- out of all the people to pick,” Five rolled his eyes, “you decide Ben is the most susceptible to dying. Not Diego, or Allison, or anything.”

“Five, you need to shut your mouth right now.” Diego declared, “Or I’ll call Allison to rumour you into telling the truth about what is going on.”

“I  _ am  _ telling the truth and it’s that you’re  _ not _ my family!” Five yelled, “None of you are! Our dad died yesterday, we all showed up to tear each other’s throats out today, Luther said something stupid about me, and then I-” He took a breath- “ended up in some house I’ve never been in and I’m not dead anymore!”

It was a lot to process emotionally. He bristled at the dumbfounded looks they were giving him, because he doesn’t deserve it. He’s been making perfect sense, the only thing that doesn’t make sense is this timeline!

“Oh.” He faltered, “...  _ oh.”  _

“Oh, what?” Ben bit out, looking very offended. Five supposed he had good reason to, especially if everything they told him was true.

He let his shoulders relax, “This timeline’s not mine.” 

It made perfect sense now that he spoke it out loud. Everything has been going wrong for him, and it’s because he’s not meant to be here. And these people really aren’t his family.

“Excuse me?” Klaus asked, frowning, “Speak up, grandpa, I thought I heard you say something weird.”

“I’m in the wrong timeline.” 

“Oh…” Klaus leaned back, “No, I heard you right the first time.”

“What does that even mean?” Luther asked, “That makes no sense.”

Five shifted a bit, now nervous and anxious. “I don’t know…” What  _ does  _ this mean? How is he going to get home?

_ I want to see Klaus!  _ He thought.

One question ate away at him though. If he did go back home, would he be dead again? He had been so  _ excited  _ to hold his siblings. Of course, he’d gladly become a ghost again just to get home, but… 

“Hey, Five,” Ben’s voice was right in front of him, and when he snapped back to reality, he realized that Ben  _ was  _ kneeling right in front of him, “You… really died?”

He nodded slowly.

“Are you adjusting okay?”

“I ran into a wall.” He offered helpfully.

“...Twice.” Ben’s mouth twitched into a smile.

“Twice.” Five confirmed.

“Has anyone touched you yet?”

Five wondered how Ben  _ knew  _ to ask these questions, but then he remembered that he too had died and apparently came back to life. He knew exactly how exciting and scary it was. 

He nodded again, “Diego.”

Ben tipped his head, “Can I hug you?”

Five didn’t even wait a second before he reacted. He threw his arms around Ben and squeezed because he hasn’t done this in a long,  _ long,  _ time. It felt so weird to have something warm in his hands, especially something holding him back with just as much care. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“This is nice.” Five mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Blackout from In The Heights


	7. Lost and Insecure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (I) Five learns how he died.
> 
> (II) Five tells how he died.

“I hate when you talk like you’re not…” Diego seemed to swallow his words before shaking his head, “Are you sure you’re stable enough to handle what I’m going to say?”

“You offered _me!”_

“Yeah, I know…” His brother shifted, “I thought maybe _you_ had something to say though, not the other way around…”

“Diego,” Five reached over to squeeze his brother’s shoulder comfortingly, “I promise you, I will not hold back a shred of commentary on my part… _after_ you tell me how this timelines Five died. Maybe it can help me get him back to you.”

Diego laughed dryly and nodded slowly, “I can only offer an outsider perspective…”

“That’s better than nothing.” He assured.

Five appreciated Diego’s caution, however misplaced. It sort of warmed his heart that his brother could be so openly affectionate. Why wasn’t _his_ Diego like that?

 _Guess I’ll have to ask him when I get home,_ He joked to himself.

“Okay…” Diego looked down and frowned in concentration, “Luther came to us one day. He said that you needed our help, and that because we’re family, we should help. I guess back then it was enough to convince us that he was right. We were helping you track people you had a personal vendetta against.”

“Sounds like me.” Five agreed, “...Except for the part where I ask for help.”

“Just let me tell you what happened, okay?”

“Continue.”

“You were so stubborn and obsessed…” His brother’s stare turned into a glare, “We should have seen it coming. You were personally after these guys and none of us believed what lengths you would… Nevermind. You finally told us they were professionals.”

“Professionals…?” Five echoed.

“Bombers. They were targeting placed by a pattern, but we never figured it out. You said you were close, but you never told us.”

 _Curse old me!_ He thought.

“Dad ordered you to give it up, though. He said to let go of the _obsession_ and work on strengthening your real powers. You listened for a while, but then we got a mission and it led us right back to the Bombers. We were trapped in this building with people-- _normal_ people. Pedestrians; the elderly, children, parents, young adults… God, it was so much pressure on just a bunch of kids…”

“What happened, Diego?” Five asked, leaning in, “What happened to those people?”

“They survived.” Diego slowly looked at him, “Because you made a decision.”

He stared.

“I… I watched you space-jump out with the bomb. And you never came back.”

“... Shit…” Five whispered, looking away and at his shoes.

“Klaus saw you a few seconds after… He yelled around for a long time. You know, he only told me four years ago why he screamed when he saw you.”

“It wasn’t because I was dead?” He asked, looking back at Diego and sitting up straight.

Diego slowly shook his head, “He screamed because… he said you were missing a part of your head. Like it was blown off. He said after a few months, you were back to normal, though.”

 _For fucks sake,_ Five thought, subconsciously raising a hand to touch his head and card through his hair. Diego followed the movement with his eyes.

“Do… do you think that’s why you can’t remember, Five? That you made up this fantasy about growing old with the rest of us when you came back?”

“I did _not_ make up a fantasy!” Five snapped, standing up now. What startled him was that, for a split second, he believed in what Diego told him. That, if this was some sort of sick twist of fate, maybe he _was_ their Five.

But that’s preposterous and he’s not as dumb as rocks.

“Thanks for the knife, Diego.” Five gritted, “I’ll give it back to you as soon as I can.”

He jumped out of there before Diego could say something stupid again.

* * *

Five stayed beside Ben from that point on. His brother made him feel comfortable, especially now that he knew he died too. It was a little strange, but he felt like their shared experiences bonded them. That, and he didn’t want to feel alone anymore.

Ben didn’t seem to mind, he kept close and tried to include him in the conversation-- even though Five had no idea what to contribute.

“If he’s not our Five, where is he?” Klaus asked, “And is that, like, in his power résumé? To jump timelines? That doesn’t seem fair.”

“Would he be in your timeline?” Ben asked.

Five shrugged.

“Helpful.” Diego sighed softly, “I’ll be right back, I gotta call Eudora and tell her I’m not coming back to the hotel anytime soon.”

When he walked out, Five looked towards Ben. “Who’s Eudora?”

“His wife.”

He wrinkled his nose and shook his head, “My Diego’s not married.”

 _This is a weird place,_ Five thought.

“Am I married?” Klaus asked, eyes alight, “Is that in my foreseeable future?”

Five stared at Klaus, “Are you married here?”

Klaus keened, a pleased smile on his face, “Engaged.”

He couldn’t stop the laugh of disbelief from escaping his mouth. He hurried to hide it, biting his lip and turning away from Klaus.

“What’s so funny?” His brother exclaimed, “That’s mean! I’m engage-able!”

“N-No you aren’t.” Five’s mouth quirked up, “Not in my world, at least. _I_ wouldn’t engage you.”

“You’re thirteen!”

“And fifteen-dead years!”

“Oh, wow, you’re still younger than us.” Klaus blinked, “That must be when I didn’t have to shave my-”

“Klaus!” Vanya exclaimed, “He’s still _thirteen.”_

“Right.”

“Can we please focus?” Luther asked, drawing Five’s attention. It _really_ freaked him out that he wasn’t as brooding and tall as he was in his world. “Five needs to go home. And, if he got himself here, he can get himself back, right?”

He blinked.

“How’d you get here?” Ben asked.

“I dunno.”

“You must know _something.”_

“But… I don’t.”

“What about if he uses his powers?” Vanya asked.

“He’s only thirteen,” Ben’s voice lit up a bit, moving an arm around Five and bringing him in closer, “He’s not as experienced as our Five is, remember that.”

“It wouldn’t matter, anyway.” He said, “I can’t use my powers.”

“You cant?” Vanya and Klaus asked at the same time. Five decided to only look at Klaus when he answered.

“No, not since I died.”

“That can’t be right…” Ben frowned, “I’ve always been able to use mine.”

“Good for you.” Five tensed, but immediately regretted it because Ben’s retracted his arm from him. “I still can’t use _mine.”_

“Maybe something’s deterring it?” Vanya suggested, “Like those pills did to me?”

“What pills?” He asked.

“Vanya took pills that dad gave her and it numbed her powers.” Luther said.

Five’s brain short circuited again and he bristled. That’s so _unfair!_

Everyone seemed to sense his frustration and stared, like they expected him to do something. But what can he do? He doesn’t have powers. He’s _useless._ He’s the new Number Seven, here to just sit around and be normal because he couldn’t contribute to anything anymore.

“Hey, it’s okay, we handled it.” Vanya said softly, “I’m okay now.”

“Who cares?” Five snapped, making her flinch back, “I’m- It’s- we’re-” He took a sharp breath in.

 _I’m so tired of not being able to talk!_ He thought and left the room to sit on the staircase. He wants to be alone and glower about how stupid all of this was.

Vanya gets to have powers in this world, and he doesn’t. _Him._ He wondered for a small moment about the Vanya in his world, if _she_ had powers too. And if she did, that put him in the same predicament as now. He’s alone, rendered tenuous by an uncharitable death.

He frowned to himself. If he didn’t die by taking that bomb in this world, who did? Who saved his family _here_ on that mission?

 _Or did that mission never happen?_ He asked himself, _Maybe that mission is important?_

After he relaxed himself (and saw Diego walk back into the living room), he went back to his family--his fake-family. Whatever. They seemed to have been in the middle of a conversation themselves, and Five caught the tail-end of it.

“-- if we just throw something at him? Jog it back to memory?”

“Jog what back to memory?” Five asked.

“Perfect timing!” Klaus said, grabbing a soda can from beside him on the counter, “Hey, dodge this!”

Diego’s voice raised, “Klaus do _NOT--”_

Five yelped when the can hit him, quickly holding his head when it bursted with pain. “Ow!”

“Huh. Bad reflexes.”

“Are you okay?” Vanya exclaimed, at his side and brushing his hand away. Five felt like he definitely had a cut, but with the relieved look on her face, he guessed he didn’t.

“You’re fine.” She said, then glared back, _“Klaus.”_

“Sorry.” He said, grinning sheepishly.

“No, maybe that was helpful.” Ben said, “He _does_ have bad reflexes.”

Five whined and pressed the palm of his hand into the throbbing of his head, “My head hurts.”

“...Not as bright as ours.” Diego said.

“Here, sit on the floor.” Vanya whispered to him, easing him down and sitting beside him. He didn’t care much for how much she was touching him, but it relaxed him. He still _liked_ being reminded that he wasn’t dead and Vanya kept an arm around him while the rest of them chattered away.

“Bad reflexes and memory loss?”

“No, not memory loss. His personality is different.”

“Yeah, no kidding, he’d would have totally bit off my head if he was _our_ Five.”

_“Klaus.”_

“What can affect personalities?”

Five winced when Vanya pushed his hand away from where he was holding his throbbing head. It still really hurt, and he’d like to keep pressure on it, thank you.

“Want me to get you an ice pack?” Vanya asked.

“No.”

“Hey, Five?” Ben cleared his throat awkwardly, “Would you... mind telling us how you died?”

He tensed and shook his head.

“C’mon!” Klaus encouraged, “We can handle it! We promise.”

His head hurts a _lot_ now. He pressed his palms back into it and pulled his knees up to rest his head into. Of course the conversation would turn into this. Five’s proud of how he went out, he _is,_ but he doesn’t want to relive it just for people who aren’t his family.

“I know it’s hard.” Ben whispered, “And from experience, I know what it feels like to just want to put it behind you. But something tells me that how you died can help us figure out why you’re… so different. Please, Five? Just once? We’ll never ask again.”

“I held a bomb.” Five spat out.

“... a little more, please?” Diego asked softly.

Five pulled his head out from his knees and let his legs drop. As much as he loathed her, Vanya’s hand on his shoulder kept him grounded to reality. He’s alive. He logically has nothing to worry about. Speaking about his death won't spit out any crazy karma… he’ll be just fine.

 _I’m going to be okay,_ He told himself.

“We were following these bombers… I wanted to catch them.” He bit the inside of his cheek and let his eyes focus on the space between him and Ben, “I thought that I could get revenge on them… they blew up my favourite library. And, and Luther said he’d convince everybody to help me, and he _did._

We followed them a few times, and each time we got out but never close enough to disable the bomb. Nobody died because Allison rumoured them all away, but I was… I _needed_ to get them. On one mission, we thought it was a normal heist, but it turned out to be a charade to lock us in with one of those bombs.

It… We couldn’t get out. Luther couldn’t punch through the walls, and there were so many innocent people… I told Klaus to yell out a safe word when they found a way through while I stuck by the bomb to disable it. There was a pattern with the other bombs… um, weird colours that signified which wire would save the people. I picked the wrong wire.”

Five clenched and unclenched his hands. It’s quiet, far too quiet, and he wishes he was invisible again.

“What happened next?” Ben asked.

“I panicked. There were five minutes left, and nobody was getting out. By the time one minute hit, I… knew I needed to get the bomb out of there so you guys wouldn’t get hurt. But, I didn’t want anybody else getting hurt either… And I didn’t know-- I couldn’t _think--_ of any other place I could go to where the bomb wouldn’t…” He took a slow breath, “So I… I waited until… until it was at one second and… and…”

“That’s okay, Five, we’ve heard enough.” Vanya whispered, squeezing him close again and it frustrated him.

_No, I want to say it!_

“I blinked out of there. The bomb went off while I was stuck mid-transition.” Five swallowed down his sob, “And when I opened my eyes again, Klaus…”

“Klaus was the only one who could see you…” Ben supplied, nodding slowly.

 _No,_ Five wanted to say, _Klaus screamed and said I was…_

He couldn’t even finish the thought. It made him want to throw up, or wail, or both. He decided to just hug Vanya to hide from the memory. Thankfully, she pressed him close and kept a hand placed on the back of his head. He used it as an excuse to himself as to why he didn’t pull away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the song You Found Me by The Fray [highly suggest the listen]


	8. Why'd You Lie? dont hurt my butterflies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (I) Five adverted the apocalypse, to the best of his knowledge.
> 
> (II) Five has to tell his siblings for the 564398 time that his powers don't work

Five was still angry with himself when he got to Harold’s home. He cannot  _ believe  _ that he nearly bought Diego’s bait about being his Five. Maybe those ten years of therapy were making him soft.

_ This is something to discuss with him later,  _ He told himself. Maybe he’ll give his therapist an ear-full for making him susceptible to his not-brother’s delusions. 

He can’t think about that right now, though. He’s got to be a professional and take care of the apocalypse. He blinked into Harold’s house, unsurprised to see the kitchen and living room lights on. He walked around, in search for any sign of him being awake. He found Harold in a recliner, fast asleep and unaware of what was to happen.

Didn’t take long to kill him. 

Five jumped into a different state and tossed the knife, then reappeared back in his bedroom and dressed himself for the night. He secured that, so now all he needed to do was destroy The Commission and then work on getting home.

It was all too easy, honestly. 

 

. . .

 

The next morning, Five met Allison, Luther, and Grace downstairs. He has no clue where Klaus or Vanya went, but he knows that if he needed to he could find them. The moment he walked into the kitchen, Allison and Luther’s conversation stopped and they did a horrible job pretending they weren’t talking about him.

“Morning.” He greeted, sitting on the chair farthest from them.

“Morning, dear!” Grace smiled brightly at him, “I made you breakfast.”

“Thanks, Mom.” He straightened out a bit, “Any coffee, by chance?”

“You’re in luck! I got it just yesterday, let me make you some.”

_ Just as sweet as usual,  _ Five thought fondly.

“Hey, uh, Five…” Luther addressed him awkwardly, “You were a ghost, right…?”

It was a rhetorical question, so Five just lifted a brow at him.

Luther shifted awkwardly, “Well, I was thinking, maybe you might have seen what killed Dad? Or who?”

“Dad wasn’t murdered.” Five said simply, “Didn’t die naturally either, though.”

Grace set a plate in front of him, clattering it a little louder than necessary, “Eat up, Five. Young boys need lots of protein.”

He smiled and took the hint for what it was, plucking his fork up to cleanly cut his eggs and eat.

“What do you mean by that?” Luther asked, ignoring his plate when Grace pushed it at him.

“Sorry,” Five smirked to himself, “can't hear you over the sound of my chewing.”

“I said--  _ Five.”  _

He glanced at Luther, still chewing with a smile. 

_ Nice to know Luther’s still easy to tease,  _ He thought.

* * *

Five was having a hard time being comfortable around Vanya. He couldn’t get through his head that this Vanya wasn’t his, even if she looked at him fondly or smiled at him. He kept looking to the side, ready to talk to Klaus about it, but he was never there. 

Not beside him, at least.

“Our Five is smart,” Diego said for the eighth time, “I’m telling you all, if he wanted to get back, he  _ could.”  _

“So, what? He’s just wasting time in that Five’s universe?” Luther asked.

“No, I think he’s staying there for a reason.”

“The apocalypse?”

“Maybe.”

Five rolled his eyes, “That’s a dumb theory.”

All eyes were on him in seconds and he realized that he forgot he couldn’t make sly comments anymore. 

_ There goes a perk of being dead,  _ He thought enviously.

“Um…” He shifted, “My world is just fine. There’s no, uh, apocalypse.” 

“No, I imagine there wasn’t,” Klaus agreed, “But what if there  _ was  _ going to be? Five’s obsessed with that stuff. He would totally stay just to defeat it a second time.”

He bristled a bit but kept his retort to himself, “Right.”

“So if he’s staying to end the apocalypse… what, we wait?” Diego asked, “Because I still have a family in a different city enjoying steak without me, and if Five is going to take his precious time, I’d like to go to that.”

“Diego,” Ben stared at him pointedly, “We’re not just waiting for Five, we’re…” He made a motion towards _him_ and Five instantly got indignant. He’s not a kid to be watched after! He’s technically 28. He’s old enough to do  _ taxes. _

“Leave.” He encouraged, “I’ll be fine. I’m not helpless.”

“Maybe not physically… oh, well,” Klaus tipped his head, “How good is your uppercut?”

“Since when do thirteen year olds get into roundabouts?” Luther asked.

“Since  _ our  _ thirteen year old has a superiority complex.” 

_ I do not!  _ Five thought, gritting his teeth and standing away from Vanya when she tried to hug him into her again. “I wont get into fights. I promise.”

“As endearingly sweet that is, your promises usually go askew.” Diego stared at him, “Sometimes not entirely on purpose, too.”

He  _ knows  _ that what Diego said wasn’t a direct jab at him and the last time he truly saw his brother, but it sure hurt like one. He let himself deflate and gave in with a nod, “Okay… so what do we do?”

“I think we should help you practice getting back into your powers.” Luther suggested, “They can’t be gone… I’m almost certain of it.”

_ I wish you were my Luther!  _ Five thought.

“I seriously doubt that they’re still there.” He insisted.

“How would you have known?” Ben asked, which confused him because what does  _ that  _ mean? Of course he would have known! “When… when you’re dead, you can disappear and appear anywhere you really want to… that’s about the extent of your powers, isn’t it?”

“... That’s an oversimplification, but for the sake of conversation, yeah…” Five frowned.

“You can switch objects around!” Klaus suggested, “Here, switch my empty pop can for a full one.”

“Klaus.” Vanya sighed from the floor.

“What? It’s totally a valid form of power-practice.”

“I can’t do that.” Five said, wrinkling his nose. 

“Sure you can! You did it all the time when we were younger.”

Five stared at him and then glanced around at the rest of his siblings, “Did I?”

Luther frowned, “You don’t remember?”

“I’ve never  _ tried  _ it.”

“... Like, at all?”

“Why on earth would my powers do that?” Five asked, tensing a bit because the idea of it was absolutely obscure, “Jump through space and switch objects? That’s ridiculous and unnecessary.” 

“Man, I wonder what our Five would say if he heard you talk like that.” Diego jeered lightly.

“Then what can your powers do?” Luther asked.

Ah, now he’s put himself in a corner he doesn't want to be in.

“It doesn’t matter,” He bit out, “because they don’t  _ work.”  _

Vanya spoke up, “But if we just tried-”

“They don't!” Five snapped, “Nobody’s asking for Number Seven to butt into the conversation, either.”

“Five!” Exclaimed just about nearly everybody in the room.

“You need to either apologize or go take a walk,” Diego glared at him, “we don’t treat our siblings like that.”

“Right,” Five agreed sarcastically, “because Two is our poster child for brotherly-love, huh?” 

This may not be  _ his  _ Diego, but even he can tell that this Diego is just as gruff as his was. He stormed out of the room, letting Diego yell at him (“Hey! Where do you think you’re going, young man?”) and made the split-second decision to walk out of the mansion. These people weren’t his family and they weren’t going to help him get home.

His best chance was to go to the library and start studying up on his mathematics. He’s going to find his own way home. A bit of him felt sick to leave the few people he felt comfortable around, but he couldn’t stand being interrogated until he was raw. He just wants to go home, not relive his cut-short life.

 

“Gosh,” Klaus breathed out, “he  _ hates  _ you.”

“I’ve noticed.” Vanya shot a half-assed glare at him, “I suppose… his Vanya also wrote about the family.”

“He’ll get over it.” Diego said, holding a reasonable amount of guilt behind it, “God, if he wasn’t so-”

“Childish?” Ben guessed.

“Yeah!”

“He’s thirteen.”

“Yeah, well…” Diego faltered and sighed, “Fuck.”

“I’ll go after him.” Luther stood up, “I’m a little worried he doesn’t remember that walking into traffic is a sure-decision to get hit by a car.”

“Well, if he lived with me, he probably knows a few street rules.” Klaus said, “But… yeah, you should go after him.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t have asked him so much in so little time…” Vanya suggested while Luther left, “I mean… was that overwhelming? Did we overwhelm him?”

Diego blinked incredulously, “He’s  _ Five,  _ What overwhelms that?”

“He’s not  _ our  _ Five.” Vanya pointed out.

“... No, he’s not…” Diego agreed reluctantly, “I dunno, maybe.”

Their conversation was cut through by a ringing. Diego looked sheepish over it and answered his phone, “Yes, hello?”

“Sergeant Hargreeves is back to work on his vacation?” Klaus teased, withering playfully at Diego’s glare.

They watched as Diego’s face fell into shock and disgust.

“They found  _ what?  _ No, don’t fucking touch it, are you kidding me? I’ll be down there in a few seconds, okay?” Diego hung up, looking at Ben, “Did you get into any scraps I need to know about?”

“No…” Ben frowned.

Diego looked to Vanya, “You?”

“I’ve been here.” She pointed out.

“Why didn’t you ask me?” Klaus asked, “I’m dangerous. Last week, I clawed this guy with my fake nails.”

“Yeah, but not  _ cut off a part of someone’s head  _ dangerous.”

“They found… wait, run that by me again.” 

Diego shook his head and sighed, “They found a piece of… I don’t even know  _ how  _ you would… I don’t know. I’ll be back, okay? They want me down there.”

“Just a random piece of someone’s head? Like… which part?”

“I don’t know, Klaus.”

“Well, when you  _ do  _ know… Actually, do you want me to come too?” Klaus stood up without waiting for an answer, “I can ask what happened.”

Diego nodded slowly, “Yeah, sure.”

“Sweet! I’ll text West!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from the song Perfect Day by Gabbie Hanna


End file.
